Brynn And Alan Fuck Up

Re: Heyzueus Kristo

Fri, 15 May 2009 15:51:05 -0400

And Alan sleeps with men for free!

<3 B

Heyzueus Kristo

Fri, 15 May 2009 15:28:43 -0400

If we just get that baby to the gym he is going to be one good looking kid. If any of you are ever thinking about getting emotionally involved with Brynn H. then think again. I loved her completely and she completely shit on my heart. She’s a careless prostitute. That’s not an insult. She literally sleeps with men for money.

This is the baby Alan and I had together. I guess we should...

Fri, 15 May 2009 01:23:44 -0400

This is the baby Alan and I had together. I guess we should rename this blog “Brynn And Alan Fuck Each Other.”

STILL waiting for that child support check.

Alright

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 12:41:22 -0400

I do miss her. The creditors won’t stop calling. Unhealthy. Complain complain bitch bitch moan moan. Unpleasant, unpleased.

Maybe

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 12:18:43 -0500

However, my car is still mega fucked, I’m strapped for cash constantly, I need proper healthcare, and Brynn isn’t in California. So that’s a lot of fucking up right there. And I’m sure I’ll be screwing the pooch soon.

Closing Time?

Sun, 01 Feb 2009 23:41:00 -0500

Is it time to shut this tumblog down? Alan and E are finally back together meaning sunshine rays and lemon drops in Alan’s world and I finally got a job meaning I have a steady income in the time of an ecomonic depression. [We won’t touch my love life.] All in all, however, it seems things are looking up for Alan and I. Should we keep this puppy up or shut it down? Send us some feedback, followers.

Most people shouldn’t get this drunk. What a bunch of...

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 21:46:38 -0500

Most people shouldn’t get this drunk. What a bunch of hipster douche bags!

My friend back at college told me...

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 12:43:00 -0500

…my old R.A. brought up underage drinking in the 2nd semester meeting [because of me]. I’m so proud.

Definition of Fuck Up. Learn from mistakes though. The shocker...

Thu, 15 Jan 2009 09:31:18 -0500

Definition of Fuck Up. Learn from mistakes though. The shocker again? What a d-bag I was! Glad I grew out of that phase.

Here is a big Fuck-Up Story, by Alan (that’s me!). 4...

Thu, 15 Jan 2009 05:42:43 -0500

Here is a big Fuck-Up Story, by Alan (that’s me!).

4 Halloweens ago. Much, much too much Captain Morgan sloshing around inside of me. We decided that climbing over our neighbors balcony and smashing their pumpkins would be hilarious. For some reason no one helped me. They just took pictures.

Next day our neighbor is amazingly upset about this. She’s almost in tears. She tells us how she spent so much time carving those pumpkins- because the orphanage had kids come trick-or-treating through our building.

Oh and she was an orphan, too.

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People: Dress up like Donnie Darko and smash pumpkins For Orphans by an Orphan. What an idiot.

I am too cool.

Fri, 09 Jan 2009 01:04:14 -0500

But for many other reasons. I’m going out right now to get all ‘tipsy’. Let’s see if I don’t fuck up.

Also I have more stories, but those will wait for tomorrow.

Love, Alan

who loves Brynn.

sometimes.

Unable to reblog, but here's Brynn's latest fuckup.

Fri, 09 Jan 2009 00:59:21 -0500

Unable to reblog, but here's Brynn's latest fuckup.:

Everyone be mean to Alan. He’s abandoned this blog in a time of need and he doesn’t care about the little people. Alan’s got a tattoo now, he’s too cool for ~~school~~ this blog. Wait, I have a tattoo…does that make me cool too?

Brynn is a pussy apparently

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 14:05:21 -0500

It didn’t hurt that much. I guess I’m just ALL THAT IS MAN.

OK it hurt a little. And I wish she was there to hold my hand. Actually, I just want to hold Brynn’s hand all the time. But she don’t buy my love.

Bitter:Sweet- The Mating Game You know why I posted this. We...

Tue, 30 Dec 2008 22:02:48 -0500

Bitter:Sweet- The Mating Game

You know why I posted this. We play this game every day. Sucks, but we gotta do it. And even if we “finish” the game, there’s no guarantee that we won’t end up as lonely as when we started it.

=

Tue, 30 Dec 2008 21:09:58 -0500

Alan just txted me and is on his way to get an equal sign tattooed on his forearm. I am excited/nervous for him, mainly because I’ve always wanted to get two black bars done on my left forearm*, just below the bend and also the fact that it’s going to hurt like hell.

* I later decided against it when I got my “waves” or “squiggly lines” on my back done.

What's a Girl to Do?

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 00:25:04 -0500

I have yet to ever experience the joy of falling over and over again on my ass in the freezing cold snow. I have never surfed, skied, nor skateboarded.

Snowboarding tomorrow for my sister’s birthday should be a blast. And if I can find my camera, I’ll try to video it even though it will most likely be of me sitting in the snow, cursing the wind.

I'm a genius.

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 05:48:46 -0500

In about 5 hours Christmas 1 starts and then Christmas 2 with the other part of the family soon follows. I should be getting sleep for the cavalcade of awkward family gathering but I’m up watching Entourage and tumbling. Good call, yeah?

alan

Dear Brynn

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 18:14:27 -0500

Fuck em.

Also, good luck this holiday season. I myself will be toasted while navigating through a meeting of extended family. All of whom believe me to be the fuck-up of the family. I never call! I never write! If I plan things correctly I can hit both gatherings in under 3 hours and be home by bed-time (bottle time). Which, actually, is all the time. Starting now.

Good luck everyone! I love you.

ALAN!!!!!!!!!!1111

It’s almost Christmas time and you know what that means. Family. Wes Anderson’s commercial for The...

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 10:45:29 -0500

It’s almost Christmas time and you know what that means. Family. Wes Anderson’s commercial for The Royal Tenenbaums stated, “Family isn’t a word, it’s a sentence.” I couldn’t agree more. You love them by default, but you just can’t be in the same room with them. Don’t worry, the feeling’s universal.

For this Christmas, all of my family including my sister’s family of four kids are coming, along with my aunt’s family of five. The total number of people occupying our house? 15. “Have a holly incredibly jolly overcrowded Christmas…”

I can guarantee you the first comment made when everyone arrives is, “What’s that on your…is that a lip piercing? You got your lip pierced?!” My cousin Kelly will approve while my aunt will ask my mom for details like, “Did you know she was getting it done? How do you feel about it? Oh I could never do that.” My uncle will stare at it in fascination and my sister’s Mormon family will continue to shake their heads in disapproval in the corner of the room while whispering, “Auntie Brynn is a bad aunt. Do the opposite of everything she does.”

This, of course, is only the grand opening. It may be considered as “e pluribus unum.” I know my family isn’t the only one like this so I wish you good luck in holding your own tongue and temper while keeping a smile on your face. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.

XOXO,

B

saintnate: rhymeswithnash: ——Thank you, Thank you!I’ll be...

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 17:15:22 -0500

saintnate:

rhymeswithnash:

——
Thank you, Thank you!
I’ll be signing Autographs
outside the arena
in about 30 minutes.

Had I known this was a TumblrAward category, I’dve put myself in the running!